I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
