Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
