He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
