I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
