My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
