even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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