Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
