Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
