My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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