I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
