If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
