I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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