I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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