He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Randomize
