Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
