I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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