It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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