Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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