The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
