i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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