I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize