You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
