we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
