Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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