She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
