ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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