i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
