If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
