Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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