I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
