did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
