can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
