I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
