every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Damn victory sex feels great
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize