mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drunk is not a location!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
