Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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