I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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