I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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