I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
