What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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