you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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