i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
