**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
