i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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