She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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