I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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