People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
