Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
