Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
