Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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