Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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