I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
