i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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