it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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