We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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