She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
