last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
