We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need to sanitize my soul.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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