i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
