so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize