Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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