I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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