I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
