i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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