I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
