so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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