apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
