I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
