you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
