I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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