HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
