I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
