the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
